ABC
by machi-pan
Summary: One shots for each letter of the alphabet, following the lovely romance between our two favorite Hitachiins. Don't be put off by the silliness!
1. A

**A is for Addiction  
(and/or audition)  
**

_disclaimer: i do not own Ouran High School Host Club. i do not gain any money from writing this. thou shalt not be suing me_

_warnings: not proof-read, because i'm lazy _

Hikaru and Kaoru, two talented actors met when they auditioned for an individual part in the new live-action series, based off the well-known manga, 'Ouran High School Host Club.' Quite ironically, the both of them had come to audition the part of 'The Prince Type' which was given, with no hesitation, to a lively young man that went by the name of Tamaki Suou. Unfortunately, he did meet all the requirements with flying colours, even more so than Hikaru who had promising potential. Then as soon as the blond had recommended his childhood friend, Kyouya Ootori, to audition for the 'Cool Type' the directors were on a full on cast – shopping spree.

They found Takashi Morinozuka, a big guy with tremendous sex appeal. He was hilarious to watch as in reality, he's the type of guy who could not sit still for ten minutes. The Wild Type's straight, impassive face was iconic for its character and whenever the fact should appear in front of them, it would render Hikaru and Kaoru into fits of laughter. Takashi was often seen apologizing relentlessly for failing to pull a solemn face on set. Humorous guy too, never failed to put shit on the big boss whenever said boss's pudgy fingers stole the remote and rewrote their well-memorized scripts just two days before the filming. And Honey was soon found after him, scolding him and reiterating the scene taking Mori out of trouble, with developed cunning. Funny thing, that Haninozuka; while the Lolita Type was ideally the second oldest from within the host club, he was realistically the youngest. In fact, he was supposed to be in _elementary_ if not for his starting school at an early age. This was his first time in drastic stage front, unlike the other who had been featured in at least one movie.

Kyouya Ootori was the lazy one. Since he was the most famous (being the protagonist of the loved, completed trilogy of "Pretty Is Not Enough") he didn't have to do a various amount of activities to build his fan base. When they first met, Mori teasingly asked the Ootori if he could deal with not being the main character as opposed to Suou. Kyouya merely shrugged. It was then that Mori adopted the full need of teasing him every chance he got but all Kyouya had given him was an unsatisfactory 'whatever' and the examining of his freshly manicured nails. It was the only thing he got, however, because all other times, Kyouya was _sleeping_.

Even in the presence of building audience of the first fan-to-man interview wherein fans were huddled and spent a small fortune for being there while some were picked to ask questions and further encouragement to any, or all of the cast members. Everyone, bar Hikaru and Kyouya was deathly pale, occasionally shifting because of the cruel nervousness at the thought of saying the wrong thing. See, here's the thing. Kyouya was _sleeping_. It was annoying quirk, that. Thank God it wasn't a double edged spear and God decided to grace humanity by not leaving Kyouya in a murderous state when he woke up, just like his character managed to get into. But of all places, Kyouya was sleeping in front of _millions_ of fans.

It was when the front group of girls giggled that the cast started to view the notion. Hikaru was the only one that reacted, him being in all of his glory, leaning back on his chair with his legs crossed and his feet on the table, in a horribly lax position despite being open to possibly the rest of the world.

"Jesus Christ, somebody wake him up." Hikaru spoke in a tone of irritation but didn't bother to hold back the hint of fondness in his voice. Oh yes, the cast had taken a fairly liking towards each other, developing a unique friendship that was rare in the showbiz.

Tamaki and Haruhi were not as ironically reversed character-wise. Despite collecting the latest high heels and trend and being shown for appearance, Haruhi was relatively intelligent and therefore fitting for her character. Despite collecting the latest high heels and trend and being shown for appearance, Tamaki was bluntly idiotic and therefore fitting for his character. Completion.

Now Hikaru and Kaoru were a different story altogether. They were not related _at all_. It was an oxymoronic reality that never ceased to place all the mind messes on every person who came across it. Yet they looked so similar – blast that, they were identical. Of course their meeting had been rather...incredulous, after all, it's not every day you see someone that possesses your body build and eye shape, let alone _everything_ that you own down from your skinny wrists. The remaining cast, in an equal state, had pushed forward the suggestion of biological testing and DNA examining. They didn't get very far, however; Lady Hitachiin could remember full well of _what_ she harboured inside her for nine months and what she was pushing outside her flossy, thanks.

There's the other thing – names. The two were allowed to keep their first names just like the rest of the club, but the problem was that they had different last names. Hikaru proposed that from him being the 'one with the pants' in the relationship, his last name, Hitachiin with go full well, much to Kaoru Atsushi's chagrin. Oh the many coital and marital jokes he had tolerated over the two years since they had been filming Ouran High School Host Club.

Kaoru soon learnt that Hikaru was rather fond of two worded exclamations. Take their first meeting for example.

Hikaru: I'm being shoved in with a twin? What, so how is this going to work, he dies, I double, someone pulls a mini me out my ass or what, wait, this is a joke, right? Well now, that can't be right. I mean how on Earth will you find another person on said Earth to- (_Enter Kaoru Atsushi_) –Holy _SHIT_."

Kaoru would have laughed so damn hard if he didn't have the exact same expression on his face. Oh and not to mention, had the same face too. And the first time he started working with Hikaru. He still remembered that, Hikaru had an arm slung over his shoulder, something typical to what the characters would do. Filming for the first episode had been the hardest.

{Kaoru: What? It's a guy?  
Hikaru: What—Kaoru, God _damnit_ say it when I say it!  
Kaoru, disbelieving: You can't _really_ be angry at me for this.}

{Hikaru, smiling: Of course. This is our stupid Tono, Tamaki Suou.  
Kaoru: We have no use for him, he's practically fan service.  
Hikaru: And this of course, is our commoner protagonist! Yes! This is...!  
Kaoru: ...  
Hikaru: I'm sorry, what's her name again?  
Kaoru: _That's where you're vague!?_}

And one of their early interactions. "Kaoru," Hikaru informed in a whisper, sliding across the couch to link his arm around Kaoru's neck, something that the latter often whined about. In his hand, he held his lit 'cancer stick', what Kaoru permanently named it.

The younger boy grimaced at the waft of smoke, squirming in his grasp. "What is it, Hikaru? And first, can't you put that thing away?"

In retaliation, Hikaru took one long drag and exhaled through parted lips, directing his breath of smoke elsewhere besides Kaoru's face due to a short lived disagreement that had happened not too many weeks ago.

"Nah. Do you have any idea as to why Kyouya's twitching like a dog in heat? It's scaring me. It's like he's going to combust into blood and guts or hell, sprout hair over his face and attack us in all our innocent glory,"

"I told you not to watch the Grudge," Kaoru sighed, playing with the ruffles of the fancy pillow on set. "That blasphemy made me shit my pants, y'know? You never listen to me. Bastard."

"Nah." Hikaru threw his leg over the other, his cigarette protruding from between two fingers as he tapped the ashes into the palm of the pillow and threw it behind him. The two stared onwards towards Tamaki and Haruhi in a one-sided bicker, Honey and Mori perched on the seats provided, in idle chat and Kyouya with his eyes wide open and twitching in small staccatos.

"You just talk way too much." Hikaru countered, a slow smile forming on his lips. Before Kaoru could protest however, Hikaru continued. "But I'm serious, I mean look at the poor guy."

Kaoru complied with Hikaru's travel of gaze but quickly averted it before Kyouya caught him staring. He turned back to his 'brother', his voice descending into a small whisper. "Do you...maybe think...he's high?"

Hikaru pressed his lips into a firm line. "Can't be, man. His type would either turn into an absolute sweetheart or would be able to bust him into criminalism, when high. Anyway, who's stupid enough to do it _here_?"

"You know, I don't even want to know how you would come up with that," Kaoru dead-panned.

"I was Sherlock Holmes in another lifetime," Hikaru said in pronounced volume, his hand hovering in front of him in post climatic position. "Starved from affection, loved by aplenty but spent too long in solitude to enjoy it. Eyed by a petite, scheming but beautiful lady, Irene."

The grip around his shoulders and neck tightened. "Hikaru-"

"But I fear that no one truly did love me. And I believed it solely that it would pass on until the day I die—"

"—Now who's the one who can't shut up?"

"Until Watson came into my life! And oh the joys of having someone cute and half my size—"

"Okay now you're just pulling these out of your dick."

"Dick? Why dick?"

"Why not dick?"

"Oh Kaoru, I'm so proud of you!"

"In the name of classical Sherlock where modern day has not corrupted it yet, will you _please_ shut up? Dick."

"I don't follow that shit anyway," Hikaru had the mistake of exhaling a puff of smoke into Kaoru's face. A mistake that ended up with an elbow in his stomach. "Look at his eyes. Like little flies doing synchronized swimming like champs, too focused. And like I said, he wouldn't be sitting there, freakishly rubbing his arm and twitching all over the place. That would be more of Honey's innocent style."

"Hikaru," Kaoru drawled out slowly. "Honey is fourteen."

He was met with a blank stare that he learned to ignore during his days like this.

"Okay, sure, whatever. Maybe it had to do with the ice-cream containing caffeine you offered him while saying that there was no caffeine at all?"

Hikaru slumped his shoulders in offense. "The guy looked like he could be up for a while longer! Besides, it would have saved him a few if say, boss would slam the doors open and catch him dozing off like a friggin' bear like all the time."

"You're using _that_ to justify _this_ when you're, well," Kaoru gestured to all of him. "_This_?"

Hikaru backhanded Kaoru in the stomach, the latter doubling over as he cried out, his hands coming out to cover his precious stomach. "I hurt, Kaoru-chan. You hurt me," He accused in a childish voice.

"Bastard, I wasn't referring to the fact that you're a pompous jackass, I was saying it was hypocritical when you look down at Kyouya for being reprimanded by—"

"The boss? Speak of the devil," Hikaru muttered beneath his breath, only going so loud as to only allow Kaoru to hear him and not the man who burst right through the doors, his poor posture creating a small deformity in his back that was overlooked because the viewer would be staring at his pot belly that bounced with each step. The boss's face could be warm when he wanted it to be, but right now it was firm and it was _shit_-eating scary.

"Hikaru, put that out now." The elder snapped.

When Hikaru turned that blank stare onto his offender, the boss staggered forward.

"Put it out."

Stare.

"Hikaru," He growled menacingly. Not menacingly enough it seems, as he lost his patience with the young boy and snatched the cancer stick from out the embrace of soft pink lips. The man put it out with a shove of his shoe clad toe and displayed a look of condescending. "Don't let me catch you again."

"Boss!" Hikaru wailed, his arms spreading out in front of him. "That was my last one!"

"Everyone, get prepared. We have rehearsals in exactly," Enter checking down at his bling-bling watch. "Ten minutes! Chop chop!"

"_Boss_!" Hikaru protested loudly, prolonging the 'O' in a childish manner, imitating a five year old tantrum. Though as soon as the doors shut, announcing the exit of the big boss, Kaoru turned to his side to find another lit cigarette in Hikaru's mouth, the mocking smoke filling the bliss in Hikaru's eyes. In the time Kaoru was distracted, Hikaru had pulled out his emergency and flipped open his lighter in practised succession.

Kaoru shook his head. "You're unbelievable."

"Thanks," Hikaru waggled his eyebrows.

The two got up, trailing behind their fellow cast members. Hikaru had his arms folded behind his head, his face the definite expression of aloof.

"If the fangirls found out you do cancer sticks, they'd probably drown in a puddle of their tears."

"You're only boosting up my ego, _brother_."

"Whatever. You pay more attention to your addiction than me."

The cigarette was tossed to the side, and in quick succession, Kaoru felt two iron grips on either of his wrists.

"Hikaru, wha—mmph!"

Lips were covering his own, lips so soft, Kaoru could have slept on them. The kiss was something of a tender moment, something sweet but not too overly sweet. It might have been the kisses shared between high school students, closed mouthed and unexperienced. However, Hikaru had _many_ experience and would have showcased him had he not wanted to put Kaoru out.

When Kaoru found the decency to pretentiously kiss back with renewed vigour, he was found submitting under the control the other had on him, nothing too big a deal, but Hikaru had been teasing him too many times as of late. The younger silently whined into the kiss, his knees losing their purpose, and as soon as the kiss ended, he fell onto them, his face flushed with a soft shade of scarlet.

"Hah," Hikaru dished out. "Your knees buckled out. How cute."

Kaoru felt his chin being tilted up by two slim fingers.

"Kaoru," Hikaru remarked fondly. "_You_ are my addiction."

"Unsightly sap."

"Dick doer."

"Bastard."

"You lost our two worded strike going on there."

"You taste like smoke."

Hikaru's eyes instantaneously snapped open from the daze they had been in, jolting out of their hot sockets and fished his pockets frantically, patting down every pocket located in his designer jeans and top. "Kaoru, I threw out my last one. Kaoru—K-Kaoru you _gotta_ help me."

Kaoru brushed past him, their shoulders knocking painfully against each other as he grit his teeth. "Idiot."

_A/N: this was originally a one-shot dedicated to _EternalFalsity, _a beautiful person who took so much of her time reading my stories and reviewing. love, i really hope you aren't disappointed! i didn't know what you'd like and I was stuck between two things and my fingers just want bleugh and produced this piece of crap here. please enjoy it though, your reviews are so amazing and i can't compete and I'm just aaaaaah. Q u Q_

_i will continue this story, not frequently, but only for fun heh. review if you have the time! and feel free to give me a few prompts because i might choose them. ^^ the prompts given to me by _imotakubro _were:  
Smoking, Audition & Caffeine _

_Anyone got any ideas for B?  
_


	2. B

**B is for Babysitting  
(and/or bubble bath) **

_disclaimer: i do not own Ouran High School Host Club. i do not gain any money from writing this. thou shalt not be suing me, and for crappy work too._

_warnings: not proof-read, because i'm lazy _

_a/n: thanks to EternalFalsity (WHO'S A __GUY__ NOT A GIRL WHOPS) for reviewing so beautifully once again. thanks to Guest(bdsm and bondage were seriously so tempting but i needed to tone it down to a 'T' rating. i know, damn, right? sorry dear!) and imotakubro for reviewing and suggesting too! also, i seem to have a knack of making the boys not related as brothers. –shrugs shoulders-everyone should also know that i tried bubble bath, but bubble bath seemed to just really dislike me_

From the last he heard (and experienced), his little cousin Hikaru was a little hellion. Not only just a hellion but the hellion from hell. Oh yes, this was the same Hikaru that replaced all his underwear with nappies. The one that manipulated him into coming to snow world then proceeded to shove a bucket of ice cold snow down the back of his shirt. The one that drew pictures of Kaoru mocking his skinny body and feminine features on the back of Kaoru's finished work essays. All of this was when he was at the age of _three_. Kaoru even remembered celebrating when his Mother revealed that his Aunt, Uncle and their son Hikaru would be moving into New Zealand temporarily.

It was the day that was dreaded – four years, and the seven year old Hikaru would request him, _again_. Kaoru was by no means a rag doll or a slave. He was a rather decent boy, blessed with good looks, kind nature and outstanding intelligence. In fact, he was probably the only person on Earth who could tolerate all those 'Hikaru looks so much like you!' comments. However, none of this mattered when Hikaru ducked his head and revealed those huge, youthful, round gold eyes with tears protruding. When that happens, the world seems to comply with the seven year old's every whim.

Right now, he had to babysit Hikaru, in his house for the absence of the youngster's parent's absence.

By now, Hikaru was anything but a baby. He was a baby back then, though, four years ago, when the evil plots went to come. He would either be a complete angel by now or, Kaoru shuddered, his evil scheming may have involved with his body for the worse. The majority of seven year olds he had encountered were still absolutely snotty and immature and far too loud for his liking. He sincerely hoped that Hikaru wouldn't pick up on that. Hikaru was, needless to say, incredibly smart for his age. When he means that, it means he had learnt the ability to manipulate, plot vile pranks and use his disadvantages to his advantage. Use his incapability to his luxury. Quite oxymoronic, but Kaoru failed to think of another way to describe it.

Kaoru would thank God now, since Hikaru still had a quite undeveloped body – well even more so than Kaoru's. Or else, imagine the amounts of damages being done when he looked nearly identical to Kaoru? The boy shivered. Hikaru was only six years younger than him, yet he managed to push his buttons every single damn time.

The thirteen year old boy opened the door to his cousin's room, having been informed that the little brat himself was taking a slumber there. Indeed he was, on the thick mattress of a bed the child owned. It was bigger than his own bed, Kaoru thought with irritation.

He sauntered closer, with mild cautiousness. There, perched on the bed was a mop of baby pink hair, the exact same colour as his. Wide eyes were shut with delicate eyelids, soft, flawless cheeks protruding from the young face and a relaxed fist was softly touching his bottom lip. Hikaru had visibly grown over the four years, lacked in most baby fat, heightened and good looking baby no more for he was now a good looking seven year old.

Kaoru angrily huffed as he slumped down next to the chair situated near Hikaru's bed. _Do seven year olds even need to have babysitters_? As Hikaru whined in his sleep, Kaoru rethought that. _Well...maybe this one does._

Kaoru yelped as the closed eyes suddenly snapped open in a predatorily manner, rising up in his seat and one hand clasped over his chest. As soon as the yelp was released, he found a terribly familiar, sickly amused glint in the youngster's eyes. His eyes narrowed. _That doesn't mean it has to be me!_

The older boy waited, even when Hikaru stretched and propped himself up in a crossed leg, sitting position and leaned his elbows on his knees, for him to do some form of acknowledgement, anything besides _staring_. They gaze made him uneasy, and he was shifting in obvious distaste, once again frazzled at the fact that he seemed to be anxious because of a seven year old child. When the silence turned pregnant, Kaoru couldn't keep up with the staring.

"Hi Hikaru," Kaoru winced as the name of the brat he happily avoided for four years rolled off his tongue. "Do you remember me?"

Stupid question. Of course he did. I mean, it would infuriate him more if he didn't (he did after all, aimed to ruin Kaoru's life) but surely he did remember him. Yes, he requested him. And that is why a vein popped up in Kaoru's forehead when all Hikaru did was stare at him even more.

"Whatever, little pipsqueak." He snapped, obviously annoyed already. "I'll be in the living room if you need me."

He turned around coolly, let himself out the room, and as much as he wanted to slam the door with all of his strength, it was closed with such gentleness, it almost didn't make a sound. In any case, an angry Aunt Hitachiin was a scary Aunt Hitachiin. He didn't need her finding a broken door and a crying child when she comes back home, plastered with makeup from the party she and her husband attended.

And as much as he didn't want to admit it, he _knew_ what his parents were thinking. Kaoru's mum and dad had been invited to that party as well but knew better than to leave Kaoru at home all alone. It was the best time to find the hiding spot for his parents' money. He was old enough to know the value it had – I mean, who could just look at the new ninja warlord game without spending a thousand on it? And despite the long time driven between them, Hikaru was still a cruel opportunist, who would dob on the first chance he gets.

So in reverse logic, Kaoru was being as babysat as Hikaru was. Kaoru had his baby cousin baby-sitting him! And on the same note, Kaoru was babysitting Hikaru. They were basically babysitting each other. Kaoru prayed to every God that Hikaru wouldn't catch onto this fact.

Suddenly, a scream started with absolute frenzy and fear that Kaoru almost threw the bag of potato chips up in the air. He quickly tossed it to the side, his eyes so wide they could have fractured his skull, and ran with no consequence into Hikaru's room, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Hikaru!" He slammed the door open. "Hikaru? What's wrong!? Where are you?"

He stepped in the room and drew into a maddening circle. He leaned across the bed in false hope and raised the duvet, finding no Hikaru there. With fear struck in his throat, he had the most overwhelming urge to cry. _What did Hikaru do? There's no windows here, so where is he!? Oh God, what if he hurt himself! Little brat!_

Then everything, all of his breathing and his fear paused. Simply _paused_ as the door behind him shut with an audible noise. His eyes were suddenly blank, as blank as the bed was empty.

Turning around with his eye twitching, he calmly walked over to the closed door and tried the handle. Wouldn't budge. Sucking in a deep breath, he tried harder but to no avail. He was seriously contemplating to take a running start and smash into the door, but his anger distracted him from anything coherent.

"HIKARU, YOU STUPID BRAT!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, his anger making his tone husky and not joking at all. What would his friends say, his friends that deemed him quiet and calm and cute? "Let. Me. _Out_!"

The older boy growled in frustration as he could hear childish giggles spouting from the other side of the door. "I'm _not_ joking, Hikaru so help me, I will tell your parents!"

Through loud giggles, the childish, high pitched voice squealed back with glee. "No you won't!"

"I _will_!" Kaoru was so close to losing his marbles, it wasn't even funny. The giggles were doing nothing to help.

Suddenly, a resounding smack rumbled across the bedroom and the hallway. _Did...did the crazy little shit just smack himself? _"No you won't!" The ringing sounded out again, the hysteric laughter taking place. "Or I'll tell Mama you _hit_ me!"

Kaoru gasped, his eyes widened, and his new vigour gone as his hand around the knob slackened. "You _wouldn't_..."

"You know I will! I haven't forgot how to cry!"

"That sentence doesn't make sense!"

"Big brother Kaoru, please let me eat ice-cream!"

"WHAT!?"

"Please, big brother Kaoru!"

"How can I when you have me locked inside your room, huh!?"

"Big brother Kaoru is stupid!" Kaoru could practically hear the tongue sticking out from those seven year old lips. He scowled as Hikaru continued. "He will buy me ice-cream when I let him out of my room." His voice quieted, although just a little, as he felt no longer need to shout. The little boy knew when his counterparts were going to obey.

There was a brief silence and Kaoru yelled through gritted teeth. "I'm not stupid, you little _mutt_!"

"Whatava, Kaoru!" Hikaru giggled. "I'll just be downstairs when you need me!"

"Little _SHIT_!" Kaoru roared as he started to bang his fists into the door. "I'll mess up your room!"

"Oh no!" Hikaru gasped. "Mummy will be very angry with you!"

The older boy turned around and thumped his back to the door, collapsing to the ground as his two fingers came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. His legs crossed and he let out an aggravating sigh as his shoulders slumped. "So you'll let me out if I get you some ice-cream?" He already knew the answer.

"Yes, big brother!" Hikaru chirped along the sidelines.

"Fine. Now let me out." Kaoru said in a defeated voice.

The door instantaneously gave way, and to Kaoru's annoyance, he was leaning on the door so he fell onto his back with an 'oof' as soon as the barricade slid away. He closed his eyes as he stilled in that position, knowing it was the last minute of peace he could probably have for the remainders of the night. Groaning softly, he peeked through both eyes to see a blurry figure. As soon as they were wide open, he ground his teeth together when he learnt that Hikaru was literally looking down his nose at him.

Grumbling to himself, Kaoru rose so he was on his lap, rubbing at the back of his head as sharp pinpricks of a mean headache threatened his existence. He took his steady leg and pelted himself into a standing position where he viewed Hikaru who was plenty taller than he was before. But to add, Kaoru was also a bit taller than he was before, and it didn't change the fact that he was older by years, and therefore taller than him. Glaring at the youngster that innocently looked up, Kaoru ambled into the living room, using all his resolve to keep himself from pouting.

Fumbling through the menus that his aunt conveniently kept on the latch under the dinner table, he found that he liked and dialled the number.

"Kaoru?" Hikaru pestered.

"..."

"Kaoru?"

"What?" Said boy sighed exasperatedly. "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

"But you called the pizza palace..." The boy informed him, dejected.

"And? Annoying little bugger, it's _my_ pocket money! And I wanted to spend it on ninja warlord II but can I in the end? Just one little game for someone who's been good all his life? Who has to take care of Satan's hellhound right now, all by myself?" Kaoru was rambling now; the phone was still luckily ringing.

There was a kiddie laugh, and Kaoru had to temporarily cease his rant to stare down at the kid, bemused. Casting him a look that merely said 'what is it now?', Hikaru shook his head in amusement, something that made him look a bit older than what he actually was.

"Big brother Kaoru sounds like a woman."

Kaoru was surprised that the grip he had on the phone didn't destroy it. About to retort, the voice on the other side of the line interrupted their one sided banter. Hikaru watched with wild eyes as he heard Kaoru order the second combo of the menu, listening importantly as if to catch the words 'ice' and 'cream'. When the line was disconnected, Hikaru pouted, narrowing his eyes at Kaoru accusingly.

"You said you'd order ice-cream!"

"I did!" Kaoru snapped back, irritated. "Stop being so damn angry all the time! I ordered a combo, you brat; pizza for me, ice-cream for you, everyone's happy!" He raised his hands in a mocking way, his eyes about ready to bend metal by just casting a look.

"Big brother Kaoru is woman-like, cheap and hytopical."

Kaoru rolled his eyes. "I couldn't care less. And what the _hell_ is hytopical?"

Hikaru just stared at him.

"You mean _hypocritical_?"

Hikaru nodded.

"Why?" Kaoru humoured him for now, surprised that Hikaru even knew the meaning to that words. But his auntie sure did use a lot of words, that's for sure. Go figure.

The younger male replied instantly, his small mouth sucking in air. "Because Kaoru is the one who is angry all the time." There was a shallow look of sincere hurt that displayed in those innocently guilty eyes that made Kaoru stop for a second, and let his expression soften.

The thirteen year old sighed. "I'm sorry, alright _brat_? You'll have to excuse me for thinking that I'd rather not spend my weekend with all this-"

Hikaru had watery eyes.

"B-because I have a homework assignment!" Kaoru reassured, his hands up defensively. "If I don't finish it by Monday, Takomari sensei will truly kill me!"

That seemed to have worked, because Hikaru face visibly relaxed. They were soon both plopped onto the sofa, Kaoru occasionally flickering his eyes over at Hikaru as it was remotely odd seeing as he wasn't plotting anything, but gradually grew bored of it, and had to trust Hikaru just for a second. Besides, TV was on, and when TV was on, then Kaoru and Hikaru was off. They had an idle chat that Kaoru would later deny of doing.

"Why does he have to scream out everything he turns into?"

"I don't know damnit. Why do you sometimes refer to yourself with your own name?"

"He is weird. When I was born, I didn't scream out BOY or anything,"

"That's because you didn't know how to talk," Kaoru half heartedly replied, his cheek resting on his palm.

"When is the ice cream coming?"

"Soon."

"What pizza are you having?"

"Hawaiian."

"Why does Kevin like Gwen? She's icky!"

"Because she's _hot_."

"Then why doesn't she take her clothes off?"

"Please don't say that, when it's coming from _your_ mouth."

"Can I have some of your pizza?"

"Only if you're sharing some of your ice cream."

"No."

"Then, no."

"When is the ice cream coming?"

"Soon."

As soon as their pizza and ice cream arrived, Kaoru happily paid the man and they both sat with straight backs at the dinner table. Both voiced out their gratitude for the food as it was customary when in Japan, and dug in. When his younger cousin was halfway from eating the full cup of ice cream, Kaoru relented and sliced his six pieced pizza in half. He couldn't afford a full round one, sadly. They came with such capable boxes too. He placed it on a saucer and pushed it to Hikaru who stopped slurping his ice cream to stare at him questionably.

"You're not only eating ice cream for dinner." Kaoru stated firmly, his mouth closed around the tip of his last pizza. Hikaru smiled wildly at him and for a moment, Kaoru was about to coo about the sheer adorableness of his cousin before remind himself of who he was.

When they were finished, Kaoru stashed both of their plates into the sink and circled the counter, rubbing his tummy. He bumped into someone a little shorter in stature and raised an eyebrow at him expectedly.

"I want to say sorry." Hikaru said quietly.

"What—why?" Kaoru replied, actually surprised for a moment there.

"You gave me pizza but I didn't give you ice cream." It was almost funny because Hikaru looked guilty for once in the actual time they spent together. Huffing on a laugh, Kaoru nearly smiled. Figures.

"It's okay, Hikaru. Honestly, maybe if you just behave yourself for the rest of the night, then that would be fine alone."

"Kaoru, I missed you." The younger boy admitted. Immediately, Kaoru knew that he was referring to the four years of neglect he received from the other because of the miles that had parted them. Thoughtful for once, Kaoru wondered how Hikaru had faired during those years.

"You mean you missed _pranking_ me?"

"No!" Hikaru declared suddenly, the annoyance he was holding back showing in his demeanour. "I missed you! You never visit!"

"You made my life hell!" Kaoru retaliated. "You bully someone who is six years older than you!"

"I said I was sorry." Hikaru's bottom lip trembled for a moment.

"Whatever," Kaoru sighed. "You're forgiven. And yeah I guess I...missed you too." He forced out, his voice strained.

The world around him suddenly flipped over. He arrived on the floor with a loud grunt, and he winced in pain as his eyes snapped open and darted his surroundings. Hikaru had pushed him over, the brat! Just think of the many bruises that would appear on him tomorrow morning...Then abruptly, the hem of his shirt was hitched up, and so was his breath. Just up to below his ribs as Hikaru situated on top of him, turning himself into a dead weight as Kaoru's hands were trapped underneath him.

Kaoru's breathing grew erratic. "Oh no...no, _NO_! Hikaru, don't you _dare_!" He almost cut himself off as a new variety of splutters and protests and bitten of laughs erupted frantically from his wide open lips, as a small palm delved over his smooth, flat stomach and began running across his flanks with another one. The fingers began to poke and prod him and tickle him where necessary, and Hikaru was laughing with him along the way, unable to take his own tickling away because of the sheer sound of Kaoru's adorable laughter.

"Please...AH! PLEASE STO-HAHAHA!" The torture went on for a few minutes, and Kaoru felt the dire need to piss himself laughing, stuck from crying out loud and cursing Hikaru to all of the Gods out there.

Hikaru finally allowed Kaoru a breather as soon as a small tear squeezed out of Kaoru's clenched eyes and Kaoru let out a shaky breath in relief. As he stared up, still panting through breaths that pained his chest, he saw that Hikaru was smiling down fondly at him.

"Big brother Kaoru is like a big baby." He teased, a cruel glint in his expression.

After releasing a few breaths, Kaoru barely squeezed out, in a largely defeated voice. "I'm going to kill you."

Hikaru didn't jump up from his position on Kaoru like he hoped him too. Instead he had the nerve to rest his full body down until they were flush against each other and Hikaru looked so close to sleeping.

"Hikaru I swear to God if you start sleeping on me-"

"I want to make Kaoru my wife."

..._uh...what? _Maybe Kaoru didn't hear correctly. "Come again?"

"Kaoru is beautiful and can take care of me when I'm tired. Papa said these are good quality stuff for a wife."

"I'm—I'm not-!" Kaoru was so close to combusting. "That is so wrong! That's called incest and—and I'm a MALE to begin with! You don't even know what you're talking about; don't even say that to anyone, you're way too young and stupid-"

"But I don't want to say it to anyone." Hikaru replied through a yawn, his small fingers clasping into Kaoru's shirt. "I love _you_."

Kaoru banged his head onto the floor, the ceiling now in his vision. The trials he has to put up with... "Shut up for a second, okay? Like I said, the whole thing is wrong. And anyway! If that were to ever happen, then you would be the wife, not me! Hey, are you listening!?" He shook the boy for a good second before recognition came into his weary state. The boy had fallen asleep on him.

By the years, he had learnt that Hikaru was a very heavy sleeper. He could maybe sleep through a war if he was that tired. The grip that was trapping him suddenly grew lax, and he wrapped his arms around the boy on top of him, lifting them both up. Supporting with one hand under Hikaru's legs, he propped the younger to lie on him as he walked into the living room. The warmth on his stomach for some reason, soothed him, and he didn't want to put Hikaru in bed.

After minutes of watching pointless TV, Hikaru was still asleep on him, hands encircled around his older cousin's neck as hands unconsciously stroked the soft pink tendrils of his hair. Kaoru found himself drifting off to sleep as well.

Though he was silently jolted back into the living world as he heard the front door close softly. Kaoru coloured in embarrassment as his Aunt Mariko came in through the door, and Kaoru was still in a sitting position with Hikaru perched, sleeping on top of him. Wordlessly, Hikaru's mother dropped onto the couch next to him, a slim finger raised up to her lips in a shushing motion.

Kaoru just stared sleepily at her. The clock revealed that it was near midnight, and Mariko softly apologized for waking him up. Then her mother-like hand came up to rest on Hikaru's sleeping head and started to pat his hair down just like Kaoru was doing before. An unknowing smile came onto the sleeping figure's face, and Kaoru blushed as Hikaru nuzzled into his neck.

"Thank you for babysitting for him, Kaoru." The woman whispered softly. "He's had a rough week, with his dad and I fighting. He's cried himself silly for a few days. I just knew that you would cheer him up...he was always happy when you came."

Kaoru glanced at her, the words taking time to reel in. Surprise must have been written on his face because Mariko chortled softly.

"You really make him happy. He loves you very much, and I'm thankful for you." The words were softly spoken, and made Kaoru gaze down at the sleeping boy that was embracing him in his sleep. So this was why the boy must have been weary...

_...and can take care of me when I'm tired..._

Hikaru said that. He also said that he had missed Kaoru. Two things happened then: Kaoru noticed the fondness he held for Hikaru in his chest, and the other that...  
...that he didn't need to pretend before when he said he truly missed Hikaru back, those four lonely years.

a/n: _ugh, don't want to read over this. bit cheesy, but best i can do unfortunately! If there are mistakes or annoying repetition (there's bound to be)please tell me, and i'll fix it. suggestions for 'C' are welcome! as are reviews! –snickers softly- review or a baby Hikaru will lock you inside your room. getting off the computer now. it's scary because i can actually feel the effects of being on the computer far too long .i feel sick and dizzy and my eyes actually unfocused and swirled for a bit. ah, enough of my ooc bitching. see you later, loves!_


	3. C

**C is for Cosplay**

_disclaimer: i do not own Ouran High School Host Club. i do not gain any money from writing this. thou shalt not be suing me_

_warnings: not proof-read or read again after finished, for that matter, because i'm lazy_

_a/n: squeals at the reviews. you guys always make my day! i'll say this now that i don't _expect_ many reviews for this story so i am forever grateful and happy about the ones EternalFalsity, Guest, 743, Satan's Trap and Katrina sent me. i want to get it out there that this story is nothing but just some FUN to write, like a stress relief out of writing something too intense and ugh…complicated. 743, because of you, this one-shot will be in the natural OHHSHC verse, and Katrina, your review made me happy for the rest of the day: i am now planning to write something in correspondence to Babysitting maybe in one of the later letters of ABC_

"Why couldn't we just call a limo?" Hikaru whined, his face the utter display of boredom. It was amusing to watch as his facial expression contorted to that of a man daring to lick a swine's arse, as the freak (he had many sweaters on, and an idol with scant clothing printed on his shirt. For God's sake, mothers were covering their children's eyes!) That sat next to him mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled closer to Hikaru. Silently, Hikaru edged away, the chubby man hitting the pole that was situated in front of them and snorted loudly. The club watched in fascination as the commoner went right back to his slumber.

"You never think things through, stupid twin-devil!" Tamaki announced with his fist on his chest, carrying an abashed emotion while he ignored the mutterings of 'hypocrite' that was being spouted out of the twins' mouths. "In order to understand the thinking process our dear Haruhi, we need to experience the fruits of commonerism!

"Tell me miss, do we get off at this spot to reach the city commotion?" Tamaki pampered a young woman who was blushing as she was standing next to him from near the start, with a full turn with his body to face the female, his mouth opening slightly for a small smile, his eyes creasing and his long eyelashes delicately tickling his fine cheekbones.

"Y-yes!" Woman 'A' squealed not so surreptitiously as a pianist hand of Tamaki's rested on her shoulder in form of acknowledgement. The endearing blush on her face tinged her pretty skin. She muffled a meep. "I-in the next two stops! I'm...I'm glad to be of help!"

"My lady, I am willing to put myself into danger if it means getting saved from a precious maiden like yourself." Tamaki smiled that one hundred percent genuine smile, making him look even more of a temptation than he really is. His fingers grasped the chin of Woman A and tilted her face up to glance conveniently into her eyes.

Perched on one of the train's seats, Hikaru flinched. Standing up, holding the weird loopy thing that commoners haven't had the decency to label yet, Kaoru flinched in perfect unison with his brother. Rolling their eyes, they shared knowing eye contact. Baka tono. It seemed to be a force of habit. Well, two could play at that game. No, better yet, _three_.

"Ah!" Kaoru exaggerated his wobble in his step as the train came to an abrupt halt for the next stop. His acting skills were flawless, and he almost doubled over but caught himself with Hikaru's launched arms around his waist, preventing a pretty nasty fall. It was always about trust – something that the fangirls never really thought of.

"You're so clumsy, Kaoru." With the grip around Kaoru's waist, the elder twin pulled him in so his nose was softly touching the lower part of the younger twin's back. "What would have happened if I hadn't caught you in time?"

Kaoru displayed a soft blush that he had mastered over the years as he sheepishly stared over his shoulder to look at his brother. By now many girls and women, and even children had stopped, stared and cocked their heads as they plucked out the fluctuating tension.

"B-but..." Kaoru turned his head so he was facing the front, tilted slightly downwards to duck his expression. "Hikaru you...that wouldn't have happened. You always seem to...catch me every time." The twins blocked out the silent squealing that arose in the ambience of the train.

A cheeky grin played on the elder's handsome face. "That's because Kaoru is always so clumsy; he's always falling. What will I do if you were to fall into the arms of someone other than me? That would just be..." Hikaru's smile disappeared and imitated that of a pitiful expression, the showcasing of true sadness.

"Mariko!" A young girl squealed, and fainted into the arms of another female, one that was assumedly Mariko. Mariko had to catch her in time, enduring the many hisses of 'be quiet' of other womenfolk but her eyes never left the brotherly scene that seemed to be a gift from heaven.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru had tears in his eyes, looking appalled as he whipped his head back to his brother, the grip around his waist tightening. "Don't even speak like that! You know I wouldn't..."

The train came to another stop, the final one that the host club needed to depart to. A glance at Kyouya informed the twins of hurrying up their act. Kaoru almost lost his footing once again, but secretly smiled in content as Hikaru prevented his fall. He only said things that had at least a small truth to them anyways.

Hikaru sighed in disappointment. "Ne...this is where we get off, huh? Such a disappointment..." Hikaru whined like a little child. "I would have offered for you to sit on my lap. That way I don't have to catch you again."

Kaoru spluttered. "H-...Hikaru! Don't say embarrassing things like that...!"

"You're so cute." Hikaru replied with fondness to the extreme, his arms finally releasing their hold to rest on Kaoru's hips. With a nod approved by the king of the host club, Hikaru and Kaoru rose and exited the train, stepping around the puddles of blood produced from the nosebleeds of their audience. Really, Hikaru smirked inwardly, and we kept it vanilla.

The male population of the host club scampered to their final destination, a bit side-tracked as they had to tolerate the announcements of what a fast food stop and a phone booth were, courtesy of Tamaki Suou. People had stared at them in awe. If it wasn't because of their volume, it was along the lines of 'they all look like models...wait. They look kinda familiar...' and the like. Hikaru and Kaoru walked shoulder to shoulder as they entered the city commotion, which seemed to be holding an event.

"You there!" A man behind a booth shouted, over the hundreds of people who had gathered in front of the large building. He waved a couple of pieces of paper in his hands as he gestured to their group especially. "You're one of the groups who pre-ordered their tickets, correct?! Step over here!"

Slightly confused, Tamaki thought this was the excuse of them being the association of superior kind, and they should bless the commoners by following this man. The other members of the host club questioned this as well, but followed albeit hesitantly. The man led them to a mini entrance that was cleared as opposed to the centre link that had to have contained nearly fifty people in a queue. Before any of them could even protest, paper bracelets were linked around their wrists in haste. And before they could stare at them, they got pushed into the grand entrance of the commoner event.

"Tono..." Hikaru stated, as the host club seemed to be immobile what with the population the size of double their school, and wearing funky outfits that neither seemed to be aware about even though they friggin' had them clasped to their skins.

"Where are we...?" Kaoru finished for him, their eyes bulging out of their heads.

When Tamaki didn't answer, Kyouya gave his input.

"Obviously, we are in an event of bizarre cosplay." The pretty, bespectacled teenager fidgeting with the glasses sitting on his nose bridge. Honey cried out in fright as a costumed individual popped in front of him, his fake claws extracted and the ugly sight of the artistically artificial face grinning at the sight.

"Huhauhah...got you, kid!" The voice was muffled as it was inside a bigger head. "Nice cosplay." He added as he sauntered back in a scary walk, to two males – one with a brunet wig, the other with bizarre, dark hair that would have been realistic had the man adorned the right face. Underneath the brunet's arm tucked was a pitch-black notebook.

Honey clung to Mori's arm in retaliation.

"A cosplay event? You mean like...a con?" Hikaru asked slowly.

"If you prefer that classification, then yes." Kyouya replied in a calm, cool tone, his composure always perfect.

"The...the...!" Tamaki pointed at a direction of nowhere, his eyes bulged as if he had seen a ghost carrying his clone's head in the transparent arms. Hikaru and Kaoru slowly came into realization.

"O—" Tamaki, with his fingers trembling in his mouth.

"Ta—" Hikaru, his arm shielded protectively in front of him.

"Kus—!" Kaoru, his jaw hanging agape with the most distressed look on his face.

All three of them mentally involved, decidedly happened to throw their arms in front of them as they located the nearest exit and made a rush for it. They were however, stopped all at once by a harsh grip of the collar to the back of their necks. Mori, under a strict order, had them by a strong hold, yet his face betrayed nothing as if it was effortless, as if he wasn't restricting three grown, young-men from moving.

Kyouya answered this one. "I think not, you three." He stated in a drawl and the three stared. Again came out the real Kyouya that crawled out when there was a lack of merit that was to be received. "I was not rudely awakened in the mark of which the sun had not come to bless us thus far just to be dragged out of town, entered into a commoner's cavern and then proceed to come right back. If it wasn't..." The dark aura situated around the shadow king, and his facial expression barely moved save for the evil glint that struck his eye. The three cowered the best they could with the grips on their collars.

"If it wasn't. For a certain _moron_." Tamaki whimpered as Kyouya continued. "We. Would. Not. Have the limitation of backup transport needed in a time kin to one like this. But as Norio says, what's done is done and we can't undo it."

"Kyo-chan!" Honey beamed, and seemed to be the only one with an exception of Mori who wasn't affected at all by the shadow of the dark king. "Maybe we can have fun by exploring this place! We can buy Haruhi some souvenirs."

"Marvellous idea, Honey-sempai!" Tamaki declared with his smile wide and his pointer finger already directed. "Then we can comfort Haruhi with an extract of her own habitual essence!" There seemed to be a fluffy dog tail protruding from Tamaki's bottom as his eyes turned glossy and his hands clasped hopefully in front of his chest. "Haruhi...Haruhi, not only will you be ecstatic, but you'll have a gift to depict both you and I!"

Kyouya opened his mouth to say something but closed it in initial shock (which he will deny later) as an eruption of squeals and screams floored the group of being the centre of attention. In a blink of an eye, the host club was trapped in a circle of screaming girls—oh no wait, they could spot a couple of guys in the crowd. What, you can't blame them; they knew it's cosplay but what the _hell_ were they wearing?

It seemed that they wanted to queue up instead of trampling over the six, thankfully. The first that approached them were three cosplayers. At least they seemed normal; a girl with a small build and pale skin, with fake brunet hair and large blue eyes, equipping a ribbon in the wig. Flanking her were two guys, one with an elegant wig of greyish blue hair, and the other with a unique orange that could never be found natural unless mutinied.

"Hello!" The cheery female announced, leaning into Mori's personal space. "We think your cosplays are so realistic! All of you look amazing, as if you were the actual characters!"

Tamaki steered back. "Uah...ah..." He incoherently emitted with his mouth wide open.

"Kyaaaaah!" The girl squealed, and the host club flinched. While she clung to an arm each of her companions, she pelted forwards, grinning down at Honey. "You're my favourite character! Can I please take a photo with you?"

"Calm down, 'Suki." Orange hair said with an amused pat to her back. "You're losing your character so quickly. Besides, what if these people were snooty and full of themselves? It would make a lot of sense 'yanno, seeing as their cosplay is flawless."

"We're not snooty," Tamaki said with his eyes wide and defensive, his posture almost ready to strike into a deep sulk.

What was bizarre was that the three cosplayers that barged into them just laughed at the comment, already fond of them. Once they took their pictures with minimal protest, even Kyouya was looking a little surprised. Only just a little, though.

"It seems as though we are being mistaken for cosplay." Kyouya deadpanned.

"But that's impossible!" Kaoru said with his eyes squinted.

"I wonder what kind of anime we're being mistaken for." Honey said in his sweet voice, his small fist pressed into his mouth as he smiled at Takashi's affirming grunt.

A small yelp was registered and Hikaru quickly turned to the side to find his brother missing. His eyes widened and he flinched as his back arched helplessly when an abrupt grip choked the tenders of his arm. Quickly, he turned around to see soft pinkish hair. With his eyes narrowed, the young teenager spoke with distaste and shock.

"Kaoru? What the hell are you playing-" His eyes scanned the ones in front of him, which were blue instead of gold. "Y...You're not Kaoru!"

"Oh?" The boy in front of him looked slightly disappointed. "You mean you came in a couple cosplay with another Kaoru? Damn. You're the best Hikaru here." The boy turned around with discontent sigh, disappointment clearly written on his face as he trailed into the crowd.

Hikaru had his jaw to the ground. "What the hell!?" He tossed side to side, but found that he was lost in the sea of people, Tamaki, Kyouya, Mori, Honey and Kaoru nowhere to be found. However, as he looked closer, it was exactly the opposite. He rubbed his eyes with sudden vigour, as he found triplets and twins and doubles of identical Kaorus and Kyouyas and Tamakis and Honeys and Moris everywhere.

Every five seconds, the background whitened with a flash of a camera, and Hikaru was starting to pale. What...what is this...? Where's Kaoru?

Mind reeling, Hikaru grabbed the shoulder of one Kaoru and turned him around. The person seemed to have a glowing look in his eyes as soon as they came into contact.

"Well hello there-"

"Your nose is wonky." Hikaru pushed him to the side and moved onto the next Kaoru, grabbing the convincing coloured hair and pulled.

The wig came off, startling the owner of it. "What the hell is your problem, man!?"

"Fake hair." Hikaru sounded bored as he tossed the wig over his shoulder and grabbed another, the shoulder so small.

Before the new Kaoru could protest, Hikaru angrily accused. "You're not even a guy!"

He rushed forwards.

"Kaoru!? KAORU!" He was panicking now.

Suddenly, he was pulled back into the willing arms of someone he held dear. Unfortunately, his weight was not registered and he ended up collapsing on top of the person that grabbed onto him. The victim cried out in shock and Hikaru produced a grunt as his head hit solid ground above the body's shoulder, and he landed on a soft stomach.

"Oof! Hikaru!" The voice whined.

The person in question stared up and sighed with automatic relief as he saw three faces looking down at him with different expressions. It was his real companions, thank God. Hastily, the young boy propped himself up on his elbows and spun around to face his younger brother.

"Kaoru you-" Hikaru found himself planting small kisses all over Kaoru's cute little dumbstruck face. "You're the real—mmf (kiss) Kaoru (kiss) thank every (kiss) single thing (kiss) on this damned planet (kiss)."

"H-Hikaru, calm down!" Kaoru yelped, turning his head from side to side as he avoided a huge blush that attacked the flesh of his cheeks.

Two hands gripping on his shoulders in a weak attempt to push him back in embarrassment made him stop. Though not before he leaned down for another kiss and planted one in that spot where others deem unnecessary. Those oh so soft, soft lips of his. Both of their eyes widened at the feel of their mistaken connection, and Hikaru hastily pulled away, his face the same bright red as it was on Kaoru's.

A pregnant silence filled the air; Honey's mouth hung agape, Mori as motionless as ever, and Kyouya shifting his position to a better stature in order to examine the jumble of twins in front of him.

"Well..." Kyouya cleared his throat. "That one missed..." he idly commented.

As they maintained the large gap in the wall that onlookers passed them by obliviously, Hikaru practically rose up as fast as a jet plane, dusting himself off and staring to the side with his face ablaze.

"Those people out there were scary," Honey commented, fondly squeezing the soft paws of Usa-chan, as if he conjured it out of sight. "Kyo-chan, maybe we can go home now?"

At this, the bespectacled boy nodded solemnly and started ahead. As he passed Hikaru, he placed a soft palm on his shoulder.

"I think that's enough comic relief for today." He said, before sauntering forward, Honey and Mori following after him.

When Hikaru and Kaoru were left alone, they wearily faced each other before averting their eyes in a synchronized motion. Then the elder boy stepped forward, offering his hand and waiting for Kaoru to take it, pulling him upwards and rubbing his shoulders comfortingly.

With no words at all, the two stood shoulder to shoulder and exited the wall cavity, their eyes sparkling with something atone to a good mood. As soon as they caught up to the three, Kaoru, as an afterthought, glanced backwards in confusion.

"Where's Tono?"

_Somewhere..._

Tamaki stared in confusion as he was surrounded with about fifty different Haruhis.

"Sempai!" One of them noted with surprise. "I've been waiting for you!"

"Hey, back off!" Haruhi no. 2 retaliated. "He's mine, I saw him first!"

"He's not yours! And besides, it's canon that Haruhi's meant to have short hair!"

The confusion slowly dimmed, and Tamaki stared with a goofy expression. _Bliss. _

_a/n: reads work again and laughs. why did i even write this. sorry guys, this is so stupid ahahah...ahahaha i'm laughing at my own work. :') i'm not sure what universe this is in. hooh god who introduced me to write again? sorry for making you wince. SO. a suggestion for D, anyone? IF YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, THE COSPLAYERS WERE L, LIGHT AND RYUK FROM DEATH NOTE (snickers) AND TOHRU, YUKI AND KYO FROM FRUITS BASKET! ! !_


	4. D

**D is for Date  
(and/or dude looks like a lady, and/or dearly beloved)**

_disclaimer: i do not own ouran high school host club_

_warnings: gay romance, gender-bending, if you haven't got that from the title ehe (though it just takes up a small amount), suggestions of TamakixKyouya and MorixHoney_

_a/n: sorry i was a bit late on this one, guys! it wasn't lack of motivation at all, i was just in a lazy phase. uh you can decide if that's the same thing or no: it isn't to me. great big thanks to 743, guest, don't-even-ask1 and EternalFalsity –swoons- _

"Let's just get this over with," Kaoru sighed fondly, staring at his fuming twin with slight exasperation in his eyes. It was their idiot tono's fault this time that his brother was so upset, and for once not the naivety of a certain commoner named Haruhi. Feeling privileged and somewhat smug to be the group's leader, as always, Tamaki had hosted another ball yet again, this time with a numerous amount of prizes. Including "a date with your chosen host!" Oh yes, many girls have been ecstatic about that one. The host club guys...not so much.

Tamaki had pity on the runner up that wanted him so bad, so they were currently on a date as of now. The first winner was a girl called Ninata and she had chosen Kyouya. From the club's intelligence and Honey's skills of observing, they had concluded (avoiding Kyouya's supernatural ears) together that Kyouya had been under a severe amount of stress. That of which he was more crabby than usual, and left his mask on the table many times. He had yet to lose it in front of a customer.

Quite suddenly, Ninata had completely ditched the idea of the host date. Hikaru and Kaoru had turned their suspicious eyes into the innocence that was Kyouya, who must have backed the girl into the corner with sufficient blackmail and regulations to make a decision against her consent. No doubt he had driven the girl against the wall with the insanity of the real face of Kyouya. It was almost amusing. And cunning, not to mention; Tamaki, at that time, was too thick to notice anything, so Kyouya had yet to get a scolding. A scolding that would have been worthless.

Nevertheless, the second prize winner had received the first. Yes, the annoying miss Arisa. Despite her being a regular customer for the twins, and gained them transparent profit of words, she wasn't a big fan of the twin theme. She had shared her views with anyone who'd listen. Instead, she had a mighty infatuation with Hikaru, and not with the both of them _together_, like the rest of their fanbase.

Now guess who she chose?

Hikaru had his head in the cushion of his two arms overlaying each other as he sulked. In any other situation, Kaoru would have obtained great amusement from this; Hikaru never usually sulked, he was more on the temper side. Sulking was when one accepted miserably of the future outcome they had to receive. However, Tamaki was very strict about the rules, and no witty input from the twins could change it.

"Come _on_, Hikaru." Kaoru whined.

There was no answer.

"Hikaru?"

The younger poked at said person's head.

"Don't tell me you're _crying_."

SLAP!

"Am not!" Hikaru protested cockily.

Kaoru yelped, quickly retracting his hand as Hikaru slapped it in retaliation, leaning back on the chair with a grumpy pout, and his arms crossed in a pure appearance of annoyance. The younger rolled his eyes, rubbing at his abused hand with his free one.

"Hikaru," Kaoru scolded, sighing with hot air. "It's all red and numb now. You really didn't have to slap hard - you could have just thrown your five second tantrum without any slapping at _all_."

Hikaru flushed with slight guilt and anger, before reaching for his brother's hand and replaced the one rubbing it with his own.

"Yeah, I know, sorry." Hikaru grumbled. "Not my fault you're such a weakling."

"Not my fault you don't know how dates work." Kaoru said lightly, smiling at how tender the touches were when comforting his reddened hand.

"That's not true!" Hikaru protested. "It's not like I don't know how it works. I had one with Haruhi, don't you remember, and Christ, how hard did I slap you? _I'm sorry_." His rubbing continued, and Kaoru felt like purring at the extra attention.

"So what did you need me for again?" Kaoru teased.

"Just shut up, damnit." Hikaru gritted his teeth. "You know exactly why. It's just 'cause it wasn't a _real_ date with a _real_ girl."

"What?" Kaoru snorted with laughter. "Didn't we establish already that Haruhi is a girl? Idiot."

"I _know_!" Hikaru snapped. "She's just – she's not – she's!"

"She's tolerant?" Kaoru piped up with a grin. "I know what you're saying. A _real_ girl wouldn't put up with your sour face and bitter mood when I'm not there with you."

Hikaru blushed. "You don't have to say it like that!"

"And you want me to guide you through one, correct?"

"..."

"_Correct_?"

"Yes! Damnit, yes, _okay_!?" Hikaru groaned.

"Alright, so we've been through that. Stop slouching in your seat; only about 1 in 20 girls like it when it looks like you don't give a damn about the date." Kaoru chided easily, patting Hikaru's hand in a small thanks as he took his own back and raising an eyebrow at the aforementioned slouching posture. It took a few seconds, but Hikaru relented, gradually rising from the seat with a pout, his arms still crossed.

"Really?" Kaoru deadpanned. "You're going to give a girl that face when you go on an actual date?"

Hikaru narrowed his eyes.

"That's just scary." Kaoru tutted. "Just relax, won't you? Now I want the face you pull when Tono is on the receiving end of our pranks." After contemplating a little, Kaoru shook his head. "No, that is more one of a look someone gets after a predetermined murder."

Hikaru sighed impatiently.

"Well, definitely don't make that noise unless you want her to slap you." Kaoru put his finger to his lips absentmindedly. Then suddenly, the finger was dropped and he beamed. "I got it! That face when you're planning the pranks. When we're together. Can you manage that for me?"

Hikaru made a disagreeing noise. "..._fine_." Casting the younger an annoyed look, Hikaru proceeded to ease the muscles in his face with a shaky smile. One that he undoubtedly won't manage in the presence of that girl. Or any girl, for that matter.

Seconds past, then minutes. Three minutes before Hikaru hurriedly snapped out, "_what_?"

"Make conversation!" Kaoru snapped his fingers. "Ask me something that might interest me. actually, pretend I'm that 'witch', Arisa. What's she most interested in?"

"Me." Hikaru replied with slack.

Kaoru shut his eyes with difficulty. "That's true..."

Hikaru sighed.

"Stop that," Kaoru rebutted. "At least compliment me on my clothing choice, or how pretty my hair looks."

"Your hair looks...soft." Hikaru complied, still slightly agitated nonetheless.

"...Good," Kaoru nodded with satisfaction. "Then after we order our food, ask something personal. Something like...do you have any pets or siblings? Are you enjoying school...what she wants to do in the future?

"Or maybe you can start with something you both like. Ask her what games she plays. What hair products she uses? The newest pop release?" Kaoru counted them all off his fingers, unknowingly acknowledging Hikaru's growing irritation.

"It's really not that hard," Kaoru said comfortingly. "Talk like you're talking to me."

"I am talking to you." Hikaru snapped, and then recoiled at the stern look Kaoru gave him. "How...was school today?"

"Oh, school was just fine, thank you." Kaoru batted his eyelashes. "I spent my day thinking about you, anyway, sempai."

Hikaru suddenly burst out laughing, on and on for a long time period. Gradually, they turned into guffaws, and the hysteric boy was shaking his head while holding his sides out of his permission. "It's – it's always you who makes my stomach hurt so bad," He gasped between breaths. "What the _hell_, was that?"

"I was playing the part," Kaoru pouted, accusing. "You made me lose character. I'm doing this to help you too! What kind of bastard _laughs_ at a person that's trying to help them?"

"Geez, sorry." Hikaru stifled his grins with complexity. "You make an excellent actor."

"You've seen me as a submissive partner a number of times. You never laugh then," Kaoru pointed out.

"Man, I don't know." Hikaru grinned. "This is different."

"How?"

Hikaru stared at him for a moment's silence. "Because you actually sound gay."

"As opposed to our 'gay' acts?" Kaoru answered with disbelief. "Whatever, this is definitely not the thing a girl and a guy shouldn't be talking about on a date. What do girls talk about anyway?"

"Gossip?" Hikaru supplied helpfully. "Have you noticed the way Tamaki keeps looking at Kyouya?"

Kaoru snorted. "That's only because he's worried about him, stupid."

"I know, but," Hikaru gestured helplessly with his hands. "He's like a freaking puppy dog, following him around, asking him if he's okay. You know, I thought that he'd have snapped into the 'serious' Tamaki by now, but he's really not helping him."

"Hey, now that I think about it, our Kyouya-sempai only raises his voice with him." Kaoru pointed out thoughtfully, calculating something mentally.

"What do you mean?" Hikaru asked with a puzzled face. "Then that really must mean that he annoys him instead."

"You're not thinking," Kaoru flicked his brother on the side of his head. "Kyouya shows most of his actual human emotions with Tono."

"-because no one knows how to push his buttons that quickly but Tamaki."

"Yes, but-"

"And shouldn't that mean that he has a soft spot for everyone else, because he doesn't get angry with them?"

"Nngh," The younger leaned closer, a strand of hair escaping the tuck of his ears and hanging over the side of his face. "You're not getting it. Have you noticed that while Tamaki is the one to 'push' Kyouya's buttons, he's also the one to cheer him up as quickly too?"

A pregnant silence passed by.

"What have we turned into?" Kaoru whined, sighing as his head ducked down.

"Well that's not what really matters." Hikaru nodded, gesturing him to lean in closer. "What seriously matters is that Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai are going to get married. And next thing you know, Kyouya-sempai and idiot tono are going to get married."

"That's horrible," Kaoru countered with a mock concerned face.

"And the bastards might not even invite us."

"Well then, you and I will have our own wedding. Won't we? _Darling_?"

"Of course honey-buns. Anything for you," Hikaru replied in a sweet voice. "I can just imagine it now – you in our Mother's precious wedding dress, me waiting at the altar with skanks decorating me, and you will never be as proud as you are that moment, because you married king-like material,"

"Wait, why do_ I_ have to be the girl?" Kaoru asked in an incredulous voice.

Hikaru just stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we know about the submissive acts in the host club, but that's only for show. Besides, you don't even snore in your sleep! You just roll on your side and sleep like a log, _retard_."

"Yeah – but," Hikaru spluttered. "You – you don't know if you snore in your sleep either!"

"I do," Kaoru stated smugly. "I recorded myself."

"How do you know it wasn't me?"

"Because I told you, you roll on your side, and you're dead for eight hours."

"...you record yourself?"

Kaoru's smile faltered. "Whatever. You dyed your hair pink first, I dyed mine _blue_."

"Who cooks for me sometimes?"

"That's only because you _suck_ at it-"

"Who cleans up my mess?"

"Because you have your crap lying everywhere, and the maids don't even want to go near-"

"Who massages me after school?"

"Hey – do you want me to stop them? Because you're seriously asking for it-"

"Who got mistaken for a girl once?" Hikaru rebutted with smugness.

"We agreed to never talk about that, ever again." Kaoru warned. "Are you done now?"

"Kinda."

"Good, because you just accomplished the impossible. You, Hikaru Hitachiin, have survived a thirty good minutes of a date. Although to be honest, I'm not sure if any of this will help anyway." Kaoru shrugged.

Hikaru sighed, the side of his face planted on the table. "Maaaan. I'd much rather go on a date with you."

"Nah, just go kiss her while I'm at home playing game station." Kaoru stuck out his tongue as Hikaru pouted. "I can't keep you all to myself. Not if she had anything to say about it."

"She doesn't." Hikaru huffed. "Alright, so what happens now?"

"Well, you pay for the food."

"I am."

"And then you think, 'was the date good or bad, is she hot or plain ugly, was she cute or downright maddening?' If it's all the former, you've got yourself a great bargain. That's when you either kiss her or dump her. But I'm not saying that you have to kiss anybody on the first-"

Hikaru groaned loudly. "Damnit, _fine_."

"Hikaru – what – you're not -!" Kaoru made a surprised sound which would have been coherent had it not been for those lips initiated on his own. His stomach felt like lurching, but not kind of lurching – the lurching of something cross-roads between surprise, disbelief, swooning, and the freaking _butterflies_. His hands twitched helplessly at the side as he panicked. Oh hell...should...should he grab his shoulders or – or hold his hands – what –

The kiss suddenly ended. Both of them stared wide-eyed at each other. After a few seconds, Hikaru broke the silence.

"I'm not doing this date with her." Hikaru rambled quickly.

"I'll call Kyouya," Kaoru grinned triumphantly.

After successfully coaxing the shadow king under submission (don't ask. Let's just say it took lots of brain work, the promise of a brand new sparkling clipboard and a shiny new train set) the annoying Arisa was so scared, she very nearly pooped her pants at just the mention of going on a date with Hikaru. Though it didn't mean that they could really escape the trials. After all, Hikaru could never go on any dates without the surveillance of Tamaki who was following him just as he did on the date with said twin and Haruhi.

The twins could see him now, at the corner of their eyes as he hid behind a post lamp, probably smug about his transparent subtleness. Tamaki was probably ecstatic too, about Hikaru finding a new love interest to distract him from Haruhi. Now if one wonders why he hadn't expected someone else other than Arisa...

"I freaking hate you so much." Kaoru grunted out as he loosened his feminine hold on Hikaru's arm, his extended hair swishing elegantly behind his back.

"Look," Hikaru gasped out in a small, unnoticeable laugh. "That guy just checked you out. Better make your voice higher or you'll start to scare people."

Kaoru glared through the bangs of his wig, his lips still in a cooling sensation from the light pink lipstick. His bra settled uncomfortably on his slate flat chest and the blouse was a bit tight on him. Not to mention the length of the skirt that rendered him dumbstruck, as he unconsciously shifted in discomfort.

Hikaru stifled a loud shout with a painful face as Kaoru pinched him wickedly on his arm.

Kaoru would do just about anything to prove he wouldn't be the wife of the relationship. But he does make a very dashing young lass.

_a/n: kill me. i hoped you guys liked that, it was damn fun to write it! anyone got suggestions for E? the more bizarre the idea, the more likely that i am to pick it! ;D _


	5. E

**E is for Excessive Amounts of Toothpaste  
(in continuation to Babysitting)**

_warnings: gay romance, incest gay romance, lovely incest gay romance, the lovely incest gay romance in which we go crazy for, no double-check/spell-check_

_a/n: hey guys! how do you like this one? i saw the awesome suggestion, laughed a bit and decided i liked it! so thank you to _**valcoria fallen**_for 'excessive amounts of toothpaste'!  
thanks to EternalFalsity (my bb you're the backbone to this story Q u Q), Lylia00 (ah, thank you! you're the one who's cute and sweet), valcoria fallen (how thoughtful of you to go through the f's too!), Kaylee-sempai (hmm yeah c: it's a good idea but i'm going to stick with hikaxkao for now!), don't-even-ask1 (thank you so much!) and Zani Hitachiin (thank you! it did help! C: ) for reviewing splendidly! _

_AGAIN, THIS IS AN AFTERMATH TO 'B IS FOR BABYSITTING'!_

"Hikaru you little _brat_! I'll cook you alive!"

Enter Hikaru Hitachiin, at the age of seven years old giggling like a little hyper mouse, running down the hallway with his older cousin, Kaoru Hitachiin storming after him. Tucked under the small one's armpit was a rectangular device they both knew as the television remote. It was one that Kaoru valued with his life as he needed it to watch his show that displayed, always at 7PM every Saturday.

"_Give it back you quick shit_!"

Hikaru gasped but nonetheless secured the remote in his left hand, out of Kaoru's reach as he was steps away from him. He took great amusement when Kaoru decided to swear. He was described as such a soft-spoken, quiet and good natured child as opposed to the raging cousin that Hikaru always turned him into.

"Big brother Kaoru swore!"

"Give it back to me, damnit!" Kaoru sounded like he was going to cry and combust at the same time. "I need to know if Mandy stays with John or runs off to that jerk!"

"You're a girl!" Hikaru flipped his gaze over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out, directing it at the cousin running crazily after him.

"You're a little snot!"

"Mama said Mandy runs off with the cool dude!" Hikaru felt inclined to tell him, as he was desperately curious anyway. The younger internally (evilly) shrugged; well, Kaoru _did_ want to know after all.

"Ya' freak! You don't even know what I'm talking about!" Kaoru jumped on top of the sofa only to land back on ground again as Hikaru took a different route. "The minds and affairs of these luxurious characters are way too complex; it would stretch your mental capacity so hard, it hurts!"

"Nuh uh!" Hikaru had other plans. "I know – because, because the guy's name is Derek!"

Kaoru was about to blow. "You little shit! Get the hell back here!" The frustration was boiling his own skin, building up so much he was surprised that his face wasn't sizzling crimson.

Hikaru only laughed and kicked down the 40th chair down that day, as he watched in TV shows that it helped stall the bad guy when chasing them. Only Hikaru figured he wasn't necessarily the good guy...he internally shrugged. The younger was panting now, but way too energized to double over and collapse. It was Kaoru's fault after all, for not supervising his sugar-high journey.

"I'm too fast! Like superman!"

"The day _you_ decide to wear a stupid, dangly red cape down your back and flash off underwear over your pants will be the day you seriously kill me!" Kaoru growled, out of breath, having been delayed by the chair that was kicked down.

Hikaru's replies were as quick as his feet; "then Kaoru is just too slow!"

"AUGH, I _HATE_ YOU!"

Hikaru kicked another chair down while in the middle of his fit of laughter. Really, his older cousin was so cute – getting all riled up like that. He always thought his cousin was something to admire. He found the word at the age of four, as he didn't know it before. Mother mentioned the word 'graceful' to him and at his questioning look, she had explained what it meant. Kind-hearted and good-natured was familiar to him. Yes, Kaoru was all of those three. He was indeed intelligent too-

"_OOF_!"

-though he was most definitely not 'street-smart'. Nope, Hikaru thought with glee, that title belonged to Hikaru himself. He was rather proud of it, picked the combined word up at the age of six from a –huh- a television show. Who would have guessed? Yes, that was why Kaoru, who was naive and innocent, needed to be protected by seven-year-old Hikaru, who was street-smart and cunning. The younger inwardly snickered; what would Kaoru say once he learnt of what he thought? _Good God, just _who_ is in charge of developing kids with this kind of education!? _Yeah, that sounded very Kaoru-like.

"Urghhhhh..." An agonizing groan snapped Hikaru out of his inner thoughts.

He stared at the lanky, but smaller-than-average body that was propped up on the floor. Success! Kaoru had tripped over his chair trap!

"Guh..."

His babysitter's head was edged near the wall and Hikaru grimaced. He must have hit that pretty hard. His arms were flat on the ground, fingers unmoving and chest pressed on the floor but his butt stuck up with his legs folded underneath him. If Kaoru was crying, Hikaru would most definitely stop _immediately_ but he couldn't see since the face was level on the ground.

Idly wandering about, suddenly bored that no one was chasing him, Hikaru tossed the remote carelessly above his shoulder and sat cross-legged next to the head that was miserably faced down.

He ran his fingers through his cousin's soft hair, expecting a groan or an outraged shout to come out but patted Kaoru's head when only silence met him.

"Does big brother Kaoru need to go to hospital?"

"...Yes." Kaoru's voice was muffled by the carpet tendrils.

"911?"

"...you only use that in America or whatever. You really need to stop watching whatever the hell you're watching on TV."

"So...911?"

Kaoru sighed into the ground. "You are the smartest _idiot_ that I've ever met."

"...?"

"No, I don't need an ambulance. Thank you for caring, though." Kaoru sounded miserable enough that he didn't need to perk up a sarcastic tone.

"Hnng." Hikaru commented smartly.

"I would, however, like to get my remote back."

Silent scuffling and Kaoru felt a familiar, rectangular shaped device placed on the back of his neck.

"...thank you."

"Welcome."

Kaoru decided to lie there for a while, find that it was a rather comfortable position, something that would allow him to not look at Hikaru for the next few seconds.

_Poke._

A vein popped in Kaoru's forehead.

_Poke._

"Hikaru."

_Poke._

"Stop-"

_Poke._

"—poking my ass."

"Kaoru has a big butt."

"My God, I hate you." Kaoru swatted away the premeditated poke and flattened his legs on the ground so his 'big butt' wasn't propped up and was now pressed flush to the plush floor, his head turned to the side to glance up at Hikaru with a bored expression.

"Kaoru is missing his show."

"I don't care."

"Kaoru missed his show."

"Go screw yourself."

"That's mean."

"_You're_ mean."

"Go cry like a girl."

"Go brush your teeth before I punch a hole in the wall of your bedroom so everyone outside can see just how much you love your Spiderman knickers." Kaoru threatened seriously.

He took wild pleasure in hearing Hikaru's terrified little 'meep' and the sounds he made when rushing into the bathroom to hopefully comply. Kaoru almost hollered evilly with laughter before he stopped himself with a grimace. He hastily hid the thoughts of wishing Hikaru would brush his gums a little too hard that they would bleed. It was Hikaru's fault that he was turning into a monster, he internally shrugged.

Waiting for quite some time, he found that it was time to get up and picked himself up the floor, finding that he now had to limp since he tripped over a hazardous chair, after all. _Damn_ that kid. After picking up the fallen chair, he limped over to the hallway, waiting outside to see if his kid needed 'further assistance'.

"Hurry up, damn brat!" He kicked the door with his arms crossed. "Humans require release, you know? And by release, I mean _you godamned brat, I need to freaking piss_! Oh but I guess you wouldn't know a thing about that, you are far from a human anyway."

Kaoru, ages ago, had soon found that insults informing Hikaru's resemblance to an ape only backfired on him since they were nearly identical, the age difference being the only barrier of the 'nearly'. So he decided on others for a change.

"What even are you? He whined from outside the door, deciding to kick it once again. "Did you come down here on Earth, found I had the perfect little life and determined to ruin it like the sick beast you are? Is that why you stole my good looks? And my composure!? Get out of that skin right now! It's mine, damn you! Stupid –kick- stupid –kick- stupid –kick- stup-!"

The door gave way.

Hikaru, who was standing on a wobbly, high stool quickly spun his head around with wide eyes and smiled sheepishly, his arm outstretched and his hand clenching a toothpaste squeeze bottle.

Kaoru's cool, calm gaze travelled to Hikaru's toes, to his knees, to his innocent, adorable wide-eyed face, to his straining arm, to the fingers wrapping around the tube, and finally to the mirror. Preferably, the one that took up half the size of the room, the one that was decorated in big, toothpaste letters.

'**Kaoru has a fat butt!**'

Kaoru read with a quiet, affirmative, 'huh.' Calmly, he walked over to Hikaru (who cowered as much as he can on the big wobbly chair), quietly told him to climb down the chair, as it was dangerous and stared with dull, empty eyes. Then he all but snatched the toothpaste tube out of the younger's grip and cackled evilly as he tiptoed and wrote right beneath the first graffiti, smearing Hikaru's words with his sleeve, appearing it to be accidental.

Now Kaoru was more than sure that any responsible individual would scold Hikaru, maybe give him the punishment of wiping it up and set him to bed with a crossed look on their face. But Kaoru also knew that he was not mature enough to follow through. And so the words followed:

'**Hikaru is a stupid alien.**'

"Hey!" Hikaru scrambled to get up but Kaoru held him down with a killer weigh down on his head with a hand.

The younger pursed his lips with displeasure and finally got out as he pinched Kaoru's thigh and dived for a new tube, opening it with expertise and rushing on top of the counter to draw a couple of new doodles with a happy squeal.

'**Kaoru has come to eat our brains'**

Said Kaoru pushed him away before lifting his own arm.

'**Hikaru has no brain'**

He yelped as the younger pinched him on the thigh again and Hikaru pounced up, scribbling messily on the fast-running out space of the mirror.

'**Kaoru looks like a girl!'**

Kaoru slapped Hikaru's forehead and forced him to fall over behind him.

'**Hikaru has Spiderman undies!"**

Whack.

'**Kaoru's evil laugh is scary'**

Pinch.

'**Hikaru is wasting toothpaste. Stupid bra-"**

Squeal.

'**Kaoru has a big-"**

"You said that already!"

'**bUTT!'**

"Get off me, big brother Kaoru! You'll squash me with your giant behind!"

"Yargh! You piss me off _so_ much!"

'**Hikaru has come down from Hell!'**

"Get off!"

"Nope."

'**Mandy runs off with Derek. John is a fat loser anyway.'**

Kaoru let out a long gasp.

Hikaru looked satisfied with himself.

"You did not just go there." Kaoru sounded disbelieving, even to himself.

"I did go there." Hikaru chirped happily, before squealing, ducking down as a flying squirt of toothpaste came flinging at him. He giggled uncontrollably, pushing a stripe of toothpaste down Kaoru's pants leg.

"Come back here!"

Together the two scurried around the bathroom, holding their weapons at ready and their free arms as open shields. Occasionally, they would bump into each other and Kaoru would dump a load of toothpaste on Hikaru's head, no care in the world for having to explain that later on.

"You're stupid!"

"_You're_ stupid!"

Unable to help himself, Kaoru snickered. "It looks like a bird took a dump on your head."

Hikaru really did try to look offended but he couldn't stop the small quirks on the corner of his lips quivering to lift. It was too obvious for Kaoru not to notice and before he knew it, he was smiling right back. It became a chain reaction as Hikaru's smile escalated into a full grin, the kind that was genuine and blinded many of his past peers.

Soon enough, they were doubling over, gasping for air, and their pajamas were practically naked skin and toothpaste. Their tubes were long-gone and full-out empty, and were tossed into the bin without a thought. Neither of them wanted to think about just what would happen once both sets of parents find them in this sort of predicament.

Hikaru was sitting on Kaoru's stomach once again, the latter had given up trying to get out and merely went still, breathing heavily and arms going limp. His mind was in a sleepy haze, and the competition tired him out.

As the younger sensed this, he put most of his weight on his knees and soon enough, Kaoru was left in a deep sleep, a content smile on his face. Hikaru replied to the smile with one of his own. Leaning down and peering at the angelic face, he kissed Kaoru's forehead and cautiously stood up, not wanting to wake up his precious cousin.

"Night, big brother Kaoru." He resumed another kiss before backing off completely. "Night, my wife." He added with a small snicker before shutting the lights off and letting Kaoru sleep in the bathroom.

That morning, Kaoru found himself with a sore back, though a pillow was tucked under his head, and a blanket was draped over his body. He groaned as rose up feeling his sore muscles protest. With amazement, he found that the mirror was wiped clean and so was the floor. The brat really did outdo himself. And he woke up with a nice pillow and blanket as well.

Smiling, Kaoru rose up and raised his arms up to stretch his back. Really, Kaoru thought as he scratched his nose idly, he ought to give the kid more cred—

...

Tiredly, the boy turned around to face the mirror, the moustache of dried toothpaste mocking him in the reflection.

..._I'm going to kill that brat. _

_a/n: for some reason, i completely fell in love with frustrated/out-of-control!kaoru. oh and kiddy!hikaru of course; that one's adorable. so it's a win-win! i've already said this many times, but thanks so much for the reviews! and the suggestions too! you guys rock! _

_suggestions for F, anyone? hehe.  
[yay volcaria fallen for already suggesting some!]_


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